Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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