i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
