Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
