The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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