how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize