I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
