I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
