i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
