I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
