yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
