the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
