I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
