Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
