I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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