you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
