first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
