i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
