it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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