She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
