I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No subtext here. People are naked.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
