I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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