So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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