Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
