I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
