you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
