broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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