you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
