I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
