i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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