And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
