God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
