just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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