i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
