And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
