Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
