Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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