took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fuck appropriateness.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
