Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
