Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
