Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
