You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
