you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
