bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
