Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
