SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
