You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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