You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize