HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
