we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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