You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the day after is always just damage control
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
