Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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