I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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