How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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