i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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