3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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