Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
