i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
