Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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