I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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