oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
