Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
