puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We had sex on a dog bed..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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