My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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