They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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